As I sit alone in a crowded restaurant waiting for my food in a room full of strangers my mind starts to wonder. I start to look around at all the people who seem to be enjoying life while I am sitting back watching mine pass me by. As I reflect, I can’t help but wonder how did I get here?
Jesus said, I have come not just to give you life but for you to have life more abundantly. Is it that I am expecting too much out of this life? Is it not enough to have life, health and strength? Is it wrong to want more? I have been spending most of my time just waiting for the day to be over, just to repeat the same cycle again. I know that I have the power to change my life, but the real question is what is God’s plan for my life?
I know I have purpose, I know there is a reason for my being here…right? I thought college would give me purpose, I thought having a career would give me purpose, I thought getting married would give me purpose, maybe it is having children….? What will it take for me to be fulfilled?
An ocean of unanswered questions is all I have. This is not some attempt for pity or attention. What do you do when you are good at most things but a master of none? What do you do when life didn’t go as planned and you wonder was it all just false hope? I have always tried to do right thing.
So my mind tells me to just keep going, keep trying, keep writing, keep holding on to the promise that God will never leave you or forsake you. Keep believing that even in the hard times that things will work together for your good. Know that when you don’t feel God, He is there! Remember when it looks like there are only one set of footprints in the sand, that those were the times He carried you!
One day I will look back over my life and see how it all made since. Until then I will keep hoping that my spirit will flame on. That a fiery passion will ignite and consume me for that great God-appointed time to help others.
On another note, with all the tragedies and horrible things really going on in the world I will stop thinking about myself. I will be grateful for my life and I’ll just sit here waiting alone in a restaurant full of strangers for my dinner …singing to myself “there is a bright side somewhere…”
You, Lord, are all I want! You are my choice, and you keep me safe. You make my life pleasant, and my future is bright.
Psalms 16 CEVDCUS06